Today I found out that a good friend of mine from college decided a few months ago that we were no longer going to be friends. Apparently, he felt that I had taken advantage of him as a friend and didn't value our relationship like I valued others.
Needless to say, I've been basically useless all day, because this is all I've been able to think about. I've been pouring over the last few years in my mind again and again, trying to see if he's right, if I was a jerk, and if I need to come repentant before my God and before one I've called a brother. I don't know how my sermon is going to be on Sunday--I was having hard problems focusing on a message on the Eucharist when I haven't figured out how to reconcile with my brother before coming to the altar myself. Hopefully God will take the lump of clay and make it into an amazing sculpture.
What is bothering me almost as much as losing a friend is how easily it was for my world to be completely rocked. It's taking me almost all day to figure out how to articulate this, and I'm still struggling with it. I can let almost anything just brush off my back, but when a friend... Doesn't want... To be a friend anymore... I pretty much grind to a halt. I need to learn how to deal with this better, because what I'm doing now will simply not work.
God, give me strength and clarity in this situation. May Your light and love shine through.
Amen.
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